Issue 4

Mission: Impossible

Star Wars Prequel Exclusive!

New Search Engine "Whoopie!" Introduced

Zit Activists Move To Ban Oxecution

Time Traveler Visits Present Day

Beach Boys Offer Solution To Global Economic Crisis

Latest Medical Study Findings

Asleep At The Wheel

Don't Even Think About It

Senioritis Setting In

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Asleep At The Wheel

By Maverick
Merv Griffin announced that Pat Sajak will no longer grace his Hollywood stage with Vanna White. The popular host of Griffin's Wheel of Fortune has been suffering from the sleeping condition known as narcolepsy for the past two months. Numerous times during the course of taping "live before a studio audience," Sajak has fallen asleep and slumped over, snoring on the wheel. Mary Bedrisen, a contestant that witnessed one of the incidents said, "It was horrible. I wanted to buy a vowel, but he was drooling all over the Bankruptcy section." Merv Griffin, owner of the show, stated that "We can't afford to have a host who cannot stay awake during the show." Vanna White was obviously shaken by the announcement that her long time co-host would no longer be selling the vowels. Instead, Sajak has moved on and is now hosting a local game show in Houston entitled "Hangman." It is supposed to be similar to "Wheel of Fortune," but with an interesting twist. Prison population in Texas has drastically declined since "Hangman" began airing on September 4th. Governor Bush, who has backed the state sponsored game show from the start credited the show with declining prison population. "All potential criminals are now staying home to watch their favorite game show. 'Hangman' certainly is helping Texas in a great way," said Bush. None of the major networks are interested in buying the program.

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