Issue 4

Mission: Impossible

Star Wars Prequel Exclusive!

New Search Engine "Whoopie!" Introduced

Zit Activists Move To Ban Oxecution

Time Traveler Visits Present Day

Beach Boys Offer Solution To Global Economic Crisis

Latest Medical Study Findings

Asleep At The Wheel

Don't Even Think About It

Senioritis Setting In

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Back To The Front Page

Latest Medical Study Findings

By Doogie Howser
The latest medical study has found that limbless persons are at a disadvantage to those with multiple appendages.

"If only I had known," said one appendage-less person. "I wouldn't have given my arms and legs away." This monumental study comes as a surprise to the millions of Djiboutians born legless every year.

"Dammit!," asserted one legless tribal medicine man. "This is ludicrous! Next they will be trying to tell me that drinking turpentine, as all Djiboutians do, is 'dangerous' or even 'deadly.' Hogwash!"

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