Issue 4

Mission: Impossible

Star Wars Prequel Exclusive!

New Search Engine "Whoopie!" Introduced

Zit Activists Move To Ban Oxecution

Time Traveler Visits Present Day

Beach Boys Offer Solution To Global Economic Crisis

Latest Medical Study Findings

Asleep At The Wheel

Don't Even Think About It

Senioritis Setting In

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Beach Boys Offer Solution To Global Economic Crisis

By Underground Writer Davey "Flour Child" Jones
New York, NY (the city so nice they named it twice)-

After returning from a decade long surfin' safari around the world, the Beach Boys announced on Saturday their solution to the global economic crisis.

They arrived at the steps of the UN General Assembly meeting hall at 2:00 PM on Saturday for a special meeting called by Japanese Prime Minister Yatsa Hutsu Taiamy Chitsu Hoyutso Bontsi in a little deuce Coupe. US UN (NAFTA, NATO, NAACP, UK, WIAA, NATO, PCP, FAA, DNR, UPS) ambassador, Terry Aki, Ph.D. USS MD, was skeptical of the Beach Boys idea, saying, "it is downright stupid. Hopefully Rhonda will show up soon and get this idea out of their hearts."

To this, Brian Wilson replied, "The problem is you aren't true to your country, just like you are to your girl or guy. Whenever someone tries to put down the USA I always say we're [number] one in the world! Almost a century ago we caught a wave and we've been sittin' on top of the world ever since. But what happens when the world crumbles? We'll be havin' fun, fun, fun until then, but afterwards we won't be gettin' around. So don't worry baby, 'cause we've got it all figured out. By this time next week we'll all have on our Baggies and our sandals too and be lying in the warmth of the sun. With all due respect, our critics will be eatin' their words with a fork and spoon."

Thousands of surfer girls and guys lined the streets, rooting on their favorite singers. Wendy Mitchell, a surfer girl, was very concerned about the crisis, saying, "If everybody had an ocean then everybody would be surfin' like California and there wouldn't be an economic crisis!"

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