Issue 4

Mission: Impossible

Star Wars Prequel Exclusive!

New Search Engine "Whoopie!" Introduced

Zit Activists Move To Ban Oxecution

Time Traveler Visits Present Day

Beach Boys Offer Solution To Global Economic Crisis

Latest Medical Study Findings

Asleep At The Wheel

Don't Even Think About It

Senioritis Setting In

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Mission: Impossible

By Betsy Ross
[On October 9, 1998, The Underground successfully crashed the Wauwatosa East Homecoming parade! Here now is the top secret MI transcript of the execution of this glorious event!]

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Join the Homecoming parade and spread the message that The Underground is the premier underground paper of Wauwatosa East High School.

  • 7:03 PM: The parade begins with two squad cars leading the band down 76th St.
  • 7:09 PM: A gap forms in the parade and The Underground truck merges into the procession of convertibles; the staff is pleased.
  • 7:10 PM: Candy is distributed by The Underground staff; the children rejoice.
  • 7:11 PM: Police tell The Underground truck to pull over and not to continue; children mourn, the staff worries.
  • 7:11 PM: An uproar begins as knowledge spreads of the terrible fate The Underground staff has in store; all are mournful.
  • 7:12 PM: Mr. Hays saves the day by yielding to popular opinion, The Underground is allowed to continue; the townspeople rejoice. Mr. Hays is pronounced "Hero of the Day."
  • 7:13 PM: Candy distribution is continued; the children, again, rejoice.

    Without Mr. Hays' decisive decision making skills, a terrible bombardment of tickets would have plagued The Underground staff. For his quick wits and tolerance, we give our thanks.

    For Underground Online exclusive pictures of this event, click here.

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