Issue 4

Mission: Impossible

Star Wars Prequel Exclusive!

New Search Engine "Whoopie!" Introduced

Zit Activists Move To Ban Oxecution

Time Traveler Visits Present Day

Beach Boys Offer Solution To Global Economic Crisis

Latest Medical Study Findings

Asleep At The Wheel

Don't Even Think About It

Senioritis Setting In

Back To Volume Two

Back To The Front Page

Time Traveler Visits Present Day!

By Ed the Moose
Washington DC was the scene of mass excitement yesterday, as a time-traveler from the future appeared in a swirling show of lights. The traveler, named Frank Edwards, has traveled over eight weeks into the past, placing his "home time" well into December of this year. Edwards has been bombarded with questions asking what the future holds.

"There really isn't that much different...well, time-travel, but that's about it," commented a weary Edwards at a press-conference earlier.

Edwards has been unable to say much beyond vague generalities. Experts suspect that this is because he is afraid of disrupting the space-time continuum. Edwards, however, continues to assert that there isn't that much to say. "I never really paid attention to stocks, I guess they do ok. I still haven't seen the Superbowl, and I also don't remember the winning Powerball numbers. Sorry," replied Edwards to the constant questions.

"This is a momentous event in the history of humankind," said a joyous President Clinton, "we can now know with certainty the world will be a safe place for all, at least until mid-December." Experts suspect he said this because he is an idiot.

Back to Issue 4