Issue 3

Local Homeless Person Sells Out, Gets Job

Bertorello Sightings On The Rise

"Happy Drinking Bird" Makes Strong Bid
For President In 2000

Cannibals Riot At Body Shop

Pirate Activists Speak Out

Domes Commissioner Honored

Love That Beeshu!

Where The Hell Is Club K-Swiss?

Schoolrats (Uncensored)

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Pirate Activists Speak Out

By Sleeping Disorder
Sports teams such as the Los Angeles Raiders, the Pittsburgh Pirates and several pirate themed high school teams across America have recently come under fire by the Pirate Libertarians Against Negative Karma (or P.L.A.N.K.).

"ARR! Me be offended!" said pirates' rights activist John "Peg Leg" English. "These land-lubbin' scalawags are abusing the image of the pirate for their own purposes withouts any permission, says I! We must put a stop to the image of the 'sports playin' pirate' at once, or some spineless scurvy seadog's gettin' more than their timbers shivered! ARR!"

Said the head of P.L.A.N.K.'s team of lawyers, "These sports teams are in clear violation of trade name infringement by stealing an image not of public domain and exploiting it without a license, or any other form of written consent. This has to stop. Somebody's got to put their prosthetic hook down."

In a related story, other various organizations, such as the Association of Predatory Birds, the Coalition of Big Cats, and the Medieval Knights Union have taken a stand against the unlawful use of their likenesses by sports teams.

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