Issue 3

Local Homeless Person Sells Out, Gets Job

Bertorello Sightings On The Rise

"Happy Drinking Bird" Makes Strong Bid
For President In 2000

Cannibals Riot At Body Shop

Pirate Activists Speak Out

Domes Commissioner Honored

Love That Beeshu!

Where The Hell Is Club K-Swiss?

Schoolrats (Uncensored)

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Bertorello Sightings On The Rise

By Sleeping Disorder
This year alone, sightings of the mysterious "Bertorello" have more than doubled the combined sightings of Elvis, Big Foot, and the Loch Ness Monster. Bertorello (a word taken from an ancient Italian dialect, meaning "lady of the pink flamingo") is characterized by ominous whip cracking sounds and an elusive trail of high heeled foot prints. Wilderness game trapper, Bob McCoy of northern Wisconsin, told Underground reporters of his particular Bertorello sighting.

the alleged picture of
Skeptics debate the validity of this alleged "Bertorello" sighting.
"I was just a-settin' ma traps when I smells a faint scent of vodka and I gits this overwhelming compulsion to read extensive passages of The Great Gatsby. I done turned around and thur she was! I snapped a picture as fast as I could [inset right], but it done come out blurry. The creature bellowed a cry of what sounded like "C'mon, people!" and then she ran off. She exists, I tell you!"

Grocery store tabloids also proclaim the existence of this legendary myth. Publications such as The Inquirer and Star run headlines that read to the effect of "Bertorello To Marry" and "I Am Engaged To Bertorello". We here at The Underground take no stock in these reports because, as common knowledge dictates, if Bertorello did exist, she would never, ever take a fiancÚ.

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