Issue 3

Local Homeless Person Sells Out, Gets Job

Bertorello Sightings On The Rise

"Happy Drinking Bird" Makes Strong Bid
For President In 2000

Cannibals Riot At Body Shop

Pirate Activists Speak Out

Domes Commissioner Honored

Love That Beeshu!

Where The Hell Is Club K-Swiss?

Schoolrats (Uncensored)

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Local Homeless Person Sells Out, Gets Job

By Sleeping Disorder
An area homeless man sold out yesterday when sources reported that he had, in fact, acquired a job. The nameless street person, once a figurehead in the world of hip indie activities such as begging and roadkill fetching, betrayed his many fans when he landed a job yesterday, cleaning windows at Hot 'N Now.

"Dude, I was into that homeless guy before everybody else thought he was cool," said an area fifteen year old. "It used to be about the begging. Now it's just about the money. What a sell out." When interviewed, the homeless person in question seemed to have no knowledge of his influence on alternative minded teenagers, saying only, "Jesus be praised. Now I can eat."

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