Issue 9

Big Willie Style
Mike Trinastic
Number Cult
Donut Tetrafluoride
Love Is In The Air
Drugs Are Cool
3 Million
Commit Suicide
Citizens Of
Zimbabwe Don't
A Poem By
Jason Berta

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Issue 9

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Citizens Of Zimbabwe Don't Care

By the Ghost of Newman
Despite the loss of the Packers to the Broncos by the score of 31-24 on Sunday, when asked for their feelings on the subject, citizens of the African nation of Zimbabwe seemed strangely indifferent towards the game. "Super Bowl? I have not heard of such a thing," said Secretary-General Morgan Tsvangirai, as reporters from WBAY-TV in Green Bay fainted from such a possibility.

"But they're the new America's Team!" exclaimed journalists in disbelief. "And as we all know, everyone loves America."

"My people have an average per-capita income of under $550 per year," said Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe, "Most of them cannot even afford a TV, much less care about a bunch of grown men playing a game halfway around the world. And would you please take that silly cheese hat off, you're scaring the cattle."

"I had heard rumors of a game in America where men were given millions of dollars to throw a ball around a field, but I had simply dismissed them as being children's stories," said Information Minister Chen Chimutengwende. "Obviously, a civilized country could not begin to think about spending money in such foolish ways, when there are poor people suffering in countries like Zimbabwe."

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