By MyVelour, Cranford, NJ
Hello fellow Americans, I am writing this letter in a desperate attempt to salvage my reputation. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Old Spice, the unknown sixth Spice Girl. The other Spice Girls, for the past two years, have been treating me unfairly, denying me publicity and royalties.

As one of the co-writers and choreographers for our group, I consider myself vital and important in the Spice circle. You, the concerned reader, is probably wondering why I am an enigma to the Spice Girls. Well, let me say that I may not be the Cindy Crawford of American cosmetic ads. So what if I can't squeeze me huge Brit bum in those tight leather pants? Or can I help it if I can't walk in stiletto heels? Certainly not.

So, fellow Americans, I ask for your help. The next time you hear a Spice Girls hit on the radio, turn it off. As for CDs and concert tickets, please don't buy them. Just think of me, Old Spice, the genuine talent and heart of the Spice Girls.

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