Issue 4

Scott Schneider
The Atom:
Fact Or Fiction?
Atoms Exist
Miss Plath Is
Obsessed With
Opinion Poll
The 6th
Spice Girl

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Issue 4

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Atoms Exist Dammit!

A rebuttal by a Helium atom
I've always considered myself to be a confident atom. High self-esteem and all that. So when someone comes around and says I don't exist, I get a little ticked off.

I simply feel a need to defend myself. I can assure you that I'm not biased in any way towards those chemists. Always manipulating me and forcing me to bond with other atoms I don't like. But they are correct when it comes to the existence of my friends and I. And so what if I'm too small to be seen? As we all know, size doesn't matter. 'Mr.' Regulator, especially, should know that to be true.

Ok, I've come up with a theory of my own. The Regulator doesn't exist. That's right, he's just a fictional character. Just think about it, have you ever seen The Regulator? In fact, his very existence is often denied by The Underground and even himself! Quite a clever misinformation campaign if I do say so myself.

Needless to say, I am quite offended by The Regulator's refusal to acknowledge my existence. Therefore, I will make him a challenge. That's right buddy, me and you at the flagpole; 3:10 tomorrow after school. Of course I will have to bring some of my friends, as you do weigh about 1027 times more than me. But still... are you man enough to face me Mr. Regulator? I laugh at you, and all your carbon-based brethren.

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