Issue 7

Tosa Teen Filled
With Spirit Of
Local TV Station
Reports Actual
News Story
Because I'm
Good Enough, I'm
Smart Enough...
Honor Our
Nation's Heroes
Ooda Boo!
Happy New Year -
We're All Going
To Die!
Ice Cream Is
Better Than Math

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Issue 7

Back To The
Local TV Station Reports Actual News Story

By the Ghost of Newman
The face of journalism was quite possibly changed forever last night, when the Channel 4 News at Ten took the unprecedented step of reporting an actual news story. The historic moment came at 10:11 PM on Monday, January 5, 1998, between a special report by Kevin Hunt on the Packers victory over the Buccaneers, and a Storm Track 4 update from John Malan.

"Thank you for that insightful report on Brett Favre's visit to the orthodontist, Kevin," said anchorwoman Carole Meekins, her hands trembling noticeably with anticipation. "Now before we go to John Malan in the Weather Center with breaking news on the possibility of partly cloudy skies tomorrow, we have a story we'd like to bring you. President Clinton said today that U.S. troops may be staying in Bosnia for longer than their currently planned mission, which ends in June. Now John, what's this I hear about a high of 45 tomorrow?"

The news story, the first in Milwaukee since the Packers made it to the Super Bowl in January of 1997, has industry insiders buzzing. There is even talk of the Cardinal News devoting their centerspread to an actual important issue, although In-Depth Editor Jeff Pertl denied the statement, saying that the next centerspread will be even more pointless than the last [about Christmas].

Other local news stations are scrambling to catch up to WTMJ. Channel 12 has reportedly already planned a story for Thursday about the impact that the death of Chris Farley will have on the number of movies with self-deprecating fat jokes. Channel 58 is also rumored to have a news program. Film at 11.

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