Ice Cream Is Better Than Math
By The Regulator
In a recent national taste test of ten thousand people, ice cream beat out math by 9,999 to 1. The 1, a Mr. Art Fiet, was reported to have existed solely on math for the past several years. The other 9,999 preferred a variety of flavors of ice cream  from Blue Moon to Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to Rocky Road  over any varient of math.
The reasons for these dramatically onesided results can be most clearly shown by a logical disjunctive syllogism. Specifically:
Major Premise: Either ice cream is better than math or it is worse than math.
Minor Premise: Nothing is worse than math.
Conclusion: Therefore, ice cream is better than math.
Ha! Try to deny that logic you fools! As can be plainly seen, ice cream is far superior to math.
Here's a little helpful hint for any math teachers out there: Instead of assigning math work every night, try assigning ice cream consumption. Many more students will actually do their assignments, except perhaps for a few of those disgustingly thin anorexic girls, but they'll probably die of starvation before the assignment is due anyway.
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