Conspiracy Corner: Beeps On The P.A.
By M. F. Luder
It's been a long time since the conspiracy corner has been in business because the "capitalist pigs" have tried to shut me down. They think that it is in the best interest of the country to stop my "slander" and "libel" against the man who actually runs the country, donut mogul Bill Gates. After a harrowing escape from a government prison, I was able to stop the impostor who had been writing my articles since issue four. I am now back to abuse the First Amendment and to stop the Man from oppressing me and the rest of the southern trailer park residents.
Most of us have been sitting in class, sleeping, when all of a sudden we are woken from our reverie by an annoying beeping sound coming form the P.A. I have been jolted from my nap many, many times by these beeps and have investigated into their source. As you know, Mr. Hays enjoys making long, pointless speeches over the announcements so I asked someone "in the know," who we will call Joe V., to give me some inside information on the situation. I was told by this anonymous school employee, who we will call Mr. Vitrano, that as you know, Mr. Hays enjoys making long, pointless speeches over the announcements, but it is not known that he also enjoys making many short announcements throughout the school day and that when Mr. Hays swears, the P.A. automatically bleeps it out. In fact, when there are a few beeps in the hallway, it actually means that Mr. Hays was just swearing at someone in the school who had pissed him off.
I say we put a stop to these random bleeps that wake up students when they are trying to rest up for the next issue of The Underground. Mr. Hays should save all of his swearing till the end of the day, allowing students to sleep through classes unmolested by Mr. Hays.
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