Issue 16

Senior Awards
Super Special!
Students To
Celebrate
Weekend By
Drinking,
Listening To Dave
Matthews Band
Headin' For
Armageddon
Man Buys Ticket
To Lilith Fair
Quality
"Online-only"
Article Written
"Babylon 5" Is
Actually Pretty
Good
Ecosystem

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Quality "Online-only" Article Written

By M. F. Luder
In a cunning coup de tÍte, ecclesiastic eccentric and Underground Editor, Newman, decided to publish a quality article in online-only format. The article, entitled "Quality 'Online-only' Article Written," was the first of its kind on The Underground Online.

Previously, the Underground Online was the Siberia of the Underground's domain; while The Regulator and Kesus frolicked in the sun, glory and prestige of the print version, the other lesser writers wallowed in the squalor and infamy of the online version. Realizing that the print version was expensive after making 750 copies, and limited, the focus of the Underground shifted, and the best writer they could find, who would write for Vodka and Sprees that is, was called in and the incomparable M. F. Luder came to save the day.

Using the literary genius that made him a smash hit in such English classes as Advanced English 11 and AP Lit and Comp, as well as in the Underground, Luder moved his long, sinewy, dexterous, well practiced fingers to the keyboard and created a defining work of the twentieth century; the most noteworthy thing worth noting is incredible amount of humility shown by said writer, a gift few people have and even fewer use. His clever, insightful article showed his firm, expert, masculine grasp of diction as he cleverly made a gay joke, not that there's anything wrong with that, and this literary virtuoso did that in the midst of an incredibly ironic and comedic passage.

Turning a phrase quicker than most women can turn a trick, online audience were laughing with abandon at the clever situational irony and the biting sarcasm. In truth, the Underground Online would have been continually ignored if the best article ever written hadn't been written. As it is, the vast majority of the people who are reading this right now were looking for "underground pedophilia," and found this instead. Luckily, we at the Underground are much more perverse.

When asked to comment on the article that saved The Underground Online and saved Newman from committing hara-kiri, Luder said, "This [the article] is counter-culture from the underground. Eternal revolution, that is how it sounds." Counter-culture indeed. The Underground will be the bastion of modern culture for as long as Jerry Springer is on, and hopefully longer, but then again, maybe people will develop standards; not you of course, but the respectable ones. Nah.

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