Issue 16

Senior Awards
Super Special!
Students To
Weekend By
Listening To Dave
Matthews Band
Headin' For
Man Buys Ticket
To Lilith Fair
Article Written
"Babylon 5" Is
Actually Pretty

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Issue 16

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Man Buys Ticket To Lilith Fair

By Newman
Lilith Fair has always strived to break down gender barriers in the world of music. Recently, another such barrier was broken, and organizers of the festival were thrilled yesterday, as reports surfaced that tickets to their festival were finally purchased by a man.

Lilith Fair, which comes to the Marcus Amphitheater in Milwaukee, WI on August 19 and 20, was the hottest new music festival last year, despite the fact that all the performers on the tour are female. And, much like the "musicians" and "bands" that play at the show, all the people who attended have also been women.

That all changed last Thursday, when a man, Art Vandalay, 23, of Elm Grove, WI, drove to his nearest TicketMaster location and purchased one ticket to Lilith Fair. At first, incredulous Lilith Fair executives thought the man was actually just a butch lesbian, but extensive tests proved that Art did, in fact, have a penis.

"I thought that maybe if I went, I could pick up some chicks at the concert," said Mr. Vandalay. "Plus that Jewel's kinda hot, and if I get close enough to the stage I thought maybe I could look up some of their skirts or somethin'."

Organizers simply laughed off Art's testosteronal dreams, saying that Jewel wasn't even scheduled to play those dates, and the only hair below the neck that he will be likely to see at the concert would be the unshaven legs and armpits of Paula Cole. In addition, they feel that he will probably be forced to listen to the music anyway, as most of his advances will be spurned by women in the audience who "don't play for the right team."

Nevertheless, Art plans to attend anyway, saying, "I know a friend of a friend that's a security guard there who might be able to get me into Sarah McLachlan's trailer."

In a related story, "The Point," 106.9 FM in Milwaukee, played "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole for the 5,000th time this week.

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