Issue 16

Senior Awards
Super Special!
Students To
Weekend By
Listening To Dave
Matthews Band
Headin' For
Man Buys Ticket
To Lilith Fair
Article Written
"Babylon 5" Is
Actually Pretty

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Headin' For Armageddon

By Nicknameless Brian
The extreme amounts of hype generated for what is speculated to be this summer's first big blockbuster, a remake of the Japanese classic Godzilla, has the public getting anxious. So anxious, in fact, that the producers of Godzilla have already started work to capitalize on this sure shot money maker. The new battle cry of the heads of Tri-Star Pictures has become, "If Matthew Broderick can star in the remake of a Godzilla movie, why can't Godzilla star in the remake of a Matthew Broderick movie?"

The cast.
Godzilla and friends in Tri-Star Pictures' upcoming release "Ferris Bueller's Doomsday Off."
Coming this summer, Ferris, Cameron, wacky Dean of Students Ed Rooney, and the whole gang will return to the screen along with a 20-story high, fire breathing Godzilla in "Ferris Bueller's Doomsday Off." Audiences will relive the zany exploits of the wise-cracking ever-slacking high schooler Ferris Bueller, but this time set against the threat of citizens facing an imminent and horribly terrifying death beneath the foot of a reptilian killing machine. The Underground's sources have learned about one scene in particular in which Godzilla tries to follow his new friend Ferris onto the float of yet another Oktoberfest parade and consequently squashes the lederhosen clad dancers. At this point Ferris will look at the camera and in his trademark wry voice say, "oops."

Taco Bell has already bought some of the merchandise production rights of "Doomsday," and plan on releasing the "Godzilla Fun Meal" which includes kiddie toys of the characters from the movie in mini windup cars that spin around and go in a different direction when they bump into something, free with the purchase of a Big Beef Burrito or Chicken Fajita.

If "Ferris Bueller's Doomsday Off" does as well as planned, Tri-Star Pictures plans to release other Japanese monster movie remakes of Matthew Broderick movies, including "The Cable Gidrah" and "War Games With Gamera."

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