Issue 10

Low Test Scores
Blamed On
El Niņo
Fluffy The Bunny
Newman Sells
Out
Derik Falky: Alive
And Well In 1998
Dionne Warwick
Knows All
Jurassic Calculus
Kesus To Order
Mail-Order Bride
Jukebox Malaise

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the underground online
issue ten - february 18 1998


Low Test Scores Blamed On El Niņo

Yes, El Niņo, the unusual warming of the Pacific Ocean, responsible for flooding in California and our unusually warm winter, was determined to be the cause of low test scores in many classes of Tosa East High School.

Fluffy The Bunny

Newman Sells Out*

Derik Falky: Alive And Well In 1998

Dionne Warwick Knows All

Jurassic Calculus

Kesus To Order Mail-Order Bride -- "I've Got Rubles To Spare!"

Jukebox Malaise


Quote Of The Day
"When I think of The Underground, I touch myself."
By Jake Sosnay

Quote Of The Next Couple Days
"I'm going to become a White House intern and sleep with the President's wife."
By Brian Eisold
walrus copyright megan hoffer 1998
The walrus would like you to sponsor an issue of The Underground. So e-mail derekfalky@geocities.com if you're interested in making a poor walrus happy.



Newman's Notes:
The first issue coming after a makeover to the site that added improved site tracking, a mailing list and those Digital Underground .wav files, issue ten was an excellent issue that people finally seemed to get. "Low Test Scores Blamed On El Niņo" was a huge favorite among teachers, "Fluffy The Bunny" was a cult favorite, "Derik Falky: Alive And Well In 1998" is an eccentric masterpiece, "Kesus To Order Mail-Order Bride" is hilarious despite only being 90 words, and even "Jurassic Calculus," originally slated to be an online-only article, was very popular. The first issue without any weak spots. It also features Newman's talk show article for the Cardinal News (in "Newman Sells Out") that was written around the time of Issue 7, but not published in the Cardinal News till now, because they're a bunch of slackers.

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* Only on The Underground Online