"We have not been able to determine the cause of death, but we speculate that Newman may have died from a poison chocolate sprinkled donut," said a doctor who treated Newman.
God Version 2.0 Unveiled
New Foreign Language Discovered
The Insidious Manatee
Santa Claus Is Coming
Bringing The Funk
Flickers (A Poem)
Bill Hicks Is The Man*
Congratulations to the Award-Winning Underground Staff!
Yes that's right, Tosa East now has two award-winning publications. On Wednesday, November 26, 1997 A.D., The Underground Online won 'Best Of Pod' for the Writers' Block Pod of Tripod, which is where our site is located. Basically this just means that we rule. They said we had 'quick-witted journalism,' and generally gave up the props for our use of satire among other things. The Underground Online has the same stuff as the print version, plus a couple extra goodies that we don't have room for on there, so the entire world can read about O'Connell's blockbuster deal with the Bears, plus extras like the message from the 6th Spice Girl.
However, the Tosa East network's 'Cyber Patrol' blocks out all sites on Tripod. Tripod is a free homepage service which does have rules against pornography and open hate messages like racist material so it's not like we're in danger of being exposed to internet smut (not including this site). I say let the Tosa East student body enjoy the fruits of Tripod and The Underground Online. Let the Tosa East administration know you support our efforts to take the Cyber Patrol block off of Tripod sites by emailing email@example.com and telling them yourself. Thank you.
Although also a very good issue, this one is generally not thought of as being that great, due to the lackluster headline, "Newman Is Dead." Written primarily for The Underground Online due to the multimedia part of the article (a very funny .wav made by Kesus and picture altered by Newman), it was originally designed to keep The Underground going despite reports that Newman was going to quit, and also explain the month off that would be taken for the IRP and Christmas vacation. Nonetheless, "God Version 2.0 Unveiled," by Kent Brockman, is one of the funniest articles ever, and most, if not all, of the other articles are right up there as well. "Santa Claus Is Coming" was designed to make fun of the Cardinal News's upcoming extremely lame centerspread on Christmas, and "New Foreign Language Discovered" coined the term "Fietish."
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* Only on The Underground Online