God Version 2.0 Released
By Kent Brockman
Much of the living population rejoiced last Sunday when The UniverseŠ released its highly anticipated God version 2.0. "We have high hopes for this one," said spokesman Pope John Paul II. "Many of the 'kinks' and 'bugs' found in the older version have been removed, and the whole God layout has been given a 'jazzy' makeover."
Some of the "kinks" removed from the original include war, violence, world hunger, and calculus. These small imperfections have been replaced with more sex and rock & roll. The new God v2.0 will also feature a different format that makes it easier and faster to access God's many utilities. A new system called "parallel praying" will allow for prayers to be answered in half the time of the original.
"The Universe wanted to make it clear that the people should no longer settle for just any old God," said Joe Average. "It's about time they upgraded." Why it has taken so long for the new version to appear is still unknown, although most agreed that 10 billion years was too long of a wait. Many analysts also expressed concern at The Universe for releasing God v2.0 right before the Christmas shopping season in an apparent effort to increase profits.
Speculation has already begun about God v2.1 which has hopes to end all evil and finally get "on-line." God had no comment.
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