Special Report: Calculus Is Hard
By Newman
On Tuesday, after months of scrutiny, researchers at MIT have determined that calculus is in fact, hard. Calculus had long been rumored to be difficult, but since most people who took it dropped it after a few days, not enough evidence could be gathered to prove it. Also, most of the students who kept it leave the class in a daze, their minds having been beaten into submission, and the rest of the students are unable to translate the Greek symbols which materialize out of thin air. The class begins at 8 am and by 8:50 the room looks like a battlefield, with students strewn about the floor, pencils still twitching in their hands, trying to calculate the hyperbolic sine.
The students voted 431 that the class was indeed hard, with the only dissenting opinion coming from Rob Kennedy who said, "What? It's clear that f(x) goes to negative infinity as x goes to the square root of three. This stuff is easy. By the way Mr. Waala, you forgot to assign our homework for tomorrow." He was then promptly beaten by the other 43 students. Mr. Fiet, whose ability to drain three pens in 50 minutes is legendary, commented, "Oh this is only the beginning. You have not yet begun to feel the true power of my wrath. Long live Carl Friedrich Gauss!!!" He then added, "And if it is raining, the street must be wet."
At press time there were also unconfirmed reports that Challenge Seminar was 'tough.'
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