Issue 2

Goths To Hold Rummage Sale

RJ Eisemann To Be Hollywood's Next "Anne Of Green Gables"


A Million Watts
Of Love

Impact Of Announcements

Planet Of "Damned, Dirty Apes" Is Earth

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Schoolrats (Censored)

By Jack Straw
The Tosa East Learning Center has always been a good place to do some homework during study hall or sit in when you're done with lunch, but recently some students have taken their love of the L.C. a little too far. "Schoolrats", also referred to as "Eastrats", have become a major concern recently. If you don't know who I'm talking about, simply come to Tosa East at around 6:00 pm and you're sure to find a handful of schoolrats. Yes, you may be surprised to see so many students at school until the wee hours of the night, but maybe these dorks don't have a home.

When asked about the schoolrats, the administration was unavailable for comment, however a faculty member, who wishes to remain anonymous, said, "Frankly, I don't understand why kids would actually want to stay at school. I mean, it's one thing if you're there for a club or sport, but most of these geeks are here by choice. Go home, schoolrats!". Please help us in the anti-schoolrat movement. If you see a schoolrat, yell "Go home kid! What the hell are you doing?! It's 6:00 for Chrissake!" or something to that effect. Together, we can win this thing and keep the Learning Center a loser-free zone.

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