Issue 2

Goths To Hold Rummage Sale

RJ Eisemann To Be Hollywood's Next "Anne Of Green Gables"


A Million Watts
Of Love

Impact Of Announcements

Planet Of "Damned, Dirty Apes" Is Earth

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Impact Of Announcements

By Betsy Ross
Riots, involving the female student population, broke out Monday at Wauwatosa East High School. The riots were allegedly caused by the mispronunciation of Dave Glowacki's last name. The mispronunciation was committed during the daily announcements third period. The semi-literate announcer was smoothly relating the outcome of the weekend's cross country meet, when she came across the difficult name. Thrown off by its many syllables, she was only able to stutter, "Gla...gla...ow..glo..kee."

The student, to whom the name belongs, is commonly referred to as "the new guy," or "the hot, new guy" by many female students. It is believed by many that the hostilities were unleashed because of this incident. Mr. Glowacki was unable to comment before the printing of this issue, but the involved female students seemed to believe that if they could pronounce Glowacki correctly, they would be asked by him to the homecoming dance. Mr. Glowacki, as of this issue, does, in fact, not have a date. Who he is considering has not yet been revealed.

On a related note, following the announcement informing students that bubbler rides were, in fact, not allowable, this form of hazing has ceased. Mr. Hays, principal at East, seemed to believe they gave freshman the vibe that Wauwatosa East is not a loving, homely environment. With the ending of bubbler rides, students have moved on to swirlies. East student, Paul Fitts, explained, "Most kids don't have bubblers in their homes, but everyone has a toilet. Kids relate toilets to home, so they retain their view of East as a homely environment."

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