Issue 2

Goths To Hold Rummage Sale

RJ Eisemann To Be Hollywood's Next "Anne Of Green Gables"


A Million Watts
Of Love

Impact Of Announcements

Planet Of "Damned, Dirty Apes" Is Earth

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RJ Eisemann To Be Hollywood's Next "Anne Of Green Gables"

By Maverick
In a startling move made this week by famed Hollywood producer Steven Spielberg, the rights to the story line and script of the classic novel series "Anne of Green Gables" were bought. Mr. Spielberg, just coming off of the success of his last movie "Saving Private Ryan," justified his purchase of the rights by saying, "It's time to do something a little softer, a little closer to the heart." This after "Private Ryan" was labeled as one of the most gruesome war movies shown to date, Spielberg has announced the entire re-filming of the classic series. Anne of Green Gables, once only shown on PBS, will be redone. After the announcement of Spielberg buying "Green Gables," rumors of who would star in the movie as Anne started to leak out of Hollywood.

It was widely accepted by the critics that Cameron Diaz would play the new Anne, but once again Spielberg shocked the motion picture industry. At a press conference that was held in San Diego, Spielberg announced that Wauwatosa East's very own RJ Eisemann would be the next Anne to grace those Green Gables. When asked why he chose someone with virtually no acting experience for the role, Spielberg said, "He's got a lot of spunk, he fits the part, and we're prepared to take a chance with this kid; we think he can play the role better then anyone else could."

Eisemann could not be reached for comment, but his publicist, more commonly known as his mother, said, "I think he'll make a good Anne." Not all of the characters for the movie have been cast yet, but a few of the major roles have already been named. Gilbert Blithe, Anne's friend, and the young man who in the original movie first refers to Anne as "carrots", will be played by Spielberg's new favorite, Tom Hanks. When asked about the movies, Hanks said, "I think they'll be good," and "it should be better then 'The Burbs'". Eisemann is said to be growing out his hair to a length that is necessary for the movie, and he's practicing his lines every day.

Eisemann's contract for the first movie of the Anne Trilogy has not been made public, but an incentive in the contract was identified as two new Shag seat covers for Eisemann's Ford Bronco. The first of the three movies should draw audiences with superb Visual Effects created by Hollywood's Industrial Light and Magic company, and Dolby Digital Surround sound. When asked about the gender difference between the character and actor Spielberg replied, "Oh... I guess I didn't really think about that." Release for the first of the three "Anne of Green Gables" movies is set for Labor Day 2001.

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