Issue 2

Goths To Hold Rummage Sale

RJ Eisemann To Be Hollywood's Next "Anne Of Green Gables"


A Million Watts
Of Love

Impact Of Announcements

Planet Of "Damned, Dirty Apes" Is Earth

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Goths To Hold Rummage Sale

By Sleeping Disorder
Goth kids everywhere are rolling up their black mesh sleeves and setting up their garages for what looks to be the largest cooperative rummage sale in history. Millions of old Charlotte Hornets T-shirts and Cross Colors brand jeans, as well as a record 750,000 Green Day albums are among the items to be sold. Said Aloicious The Rotten, one of the participating goths, "I never really listened to that Spin Doctors CD. I don't even know how it got in my room. I just needed some money to go to Mad Planet this weekend so I figured, hey, what the heck?"

The estimated $68 to be raised will go towards the purchasing of new face paint and vampire teeth as well as cape repair for goth kids nationwide. Ursula Blackheart, age 15, commented "Fishnet stockings are expensive. After that Marilyn Manson concert a few months ago, I'm flat broke and the morbid spirits of decay have not blessed this sorrowful being with any of the dark underworld's blood money." Added Ursula, "I swear I was never into Blind Melon. My mom bought me that CD, honest."

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