By Sleeping Disorder
Point: The Underground is Too Much Like The Onion
The Underground is just another dinky Onion wannabe and like all of them, it does not deliver. The stories are crappy re-hashings of old Onion articles with teachers' names thrown in to fake originality. Nothing the so-called "Underground" does is original, funny, or underground. Like so many "comedy" student newspapers before it, The Underground relies on stealing themes from The Onion. If they were so underground, they'd come up with something new.
Counterpoint: Man Has Amazing Ass
TASHEN, OH--In what is the most remarkable story to come out of Tashen, OH in decades, resident Lance Holdger has an amazing ass.
Sculpted, tight, and slightly lofted, Holdger's ass is naturally tan and completely hairless, and possesses the consistency of a gelatinous stone. The 750 residents of Tashen are well aware of this and, as a result, are unable to get enough of that ass.
The empirical grandeur of Holdger's ass, Tashen mayor Wayne Rinaldo said, allows it to be celebrated by people without regard to sexual preference, age, creed or aesthetic inclination.
(story continued on next page)
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