Issue 6

Tosa East Dullard Accepted To UW-Madison On Minesweeper Scholarship

Mr. Stroud Launches Schoolwide Search For Lost "Little Black Book"

Maverick Apologizes For Article

Challenge Students Get Assignment

Teen Killed In Our Hallways

Local Underground Paper Fills Blank Space

Teacher Grows New "Stache" For Upcoming Hollywood Film

Point/ Counterpoint

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Tosa East Dullard Accepted To UW- Madison On Minesweeper Scholarship

By Sleeping Disorder
The University of Wisconsin, the highly selective college of choice for most students of Wauwatosa East, used to be only a distant dream for dullard Jason Floafer, until it was announced that Floafer would receive UW Madison's first ever Minesweeper scholarship.

"This kicks [freaking] ass!" Floafer told reporters. "I knew playing Minesweeper during all of my three study halls and never doing any homework would pay off! Madtown, here I come!"

The moronic Floafer, a student on his sixth year of high school with a schedule that revolves around study halls, gym classes and Chef Foods, now has big plans for the future. Commented Floafer, "I plan to major in Minesweeper with a minor in Solitaire. I will also do extensive research on the elusive Law Of Freecell, as well as trying to figure out how the hell to play Hearts. I will also be in Madison, so I plan to drink. A lot. I mean, a lot. I mean, like, a real, real, lot."

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