Issue 11

Ms. Bertorello
Kicks Ass
Girls Attracted To
Guys Who Eat
Frosted Flakes
Corner: CTW
Betsy Schaller
Is On Crack
And Now...
Deep Thoughts

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Issue 11

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Women's Suffrage

By The Regulator
Following up on a nasty rumor I heard from Hillary Rodham Clinton, I found out that California, that most rebellious of states (need I mention marijuana and Ebonics?) has apparently approved legislation allowing women to vote. What, I ask, is next? Colorado? Iowa? Will this insidious and sinful plague eventually slime its way to the very gates of Wisconsin? Oh the humanity!

Imagine what women will do with this new "right." They'll leave the home to go and "vote," expressing their unknowledgeable and irrelevant opinions while simultaneously neglecting the housework! What if one tries to run for office? Imagine a woman in Congress, or even the Presidency! I'm sure that will never happen, but just the same...

Rumors have also been spreading that these now-voting, self-righteous, "liberal" women plan on starting women's sporting organizations, such as women's basketball, women's baseball, and women's hockey. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but last I checked women couldn't play sports worth snot. The only sport women can ever excel in, and for that matter should be allowed to participate in, is mud wrestling.

When informed of this repugnant atrocity, student Eric Lazenby skeptically responded, "What do you mean, women can vote!?" Other prominent members of the community voiced similar sentiments, with the exception of Gov. Tommy Thompson, who said, "Well, as long as they vote naked."

Disclaimer: The Regulator, out of a strong wish not to get beaten up by girls, asserts that he is not, in fact, sexist.

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