Issue 11

Ms. Bertorello
Kicks Ass
Girls Attracted To
Guys Who Eat
Frosted Flakes
Corner: CTW
Betsy Schaller
Is On Crack
And Now...
Deep Thoughts

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Issue 11

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Girls Attracted To Guys Who Eat Frosted Flakes

By Newman
For centuries, men have spent millions of dollars, searched the earth, and even killed each other trying to figure out just what women want. Now, the search is over, as the answer has been found, and on a TV commercial no less! What do women want? Men who eat Frosted Flakes brand cereal.

Yes my male compatriots! Contrary to popular belief, Frosted Flakes cereal is actually a powerful aphrodisiac. Yet, despite the fact that Frosted Flakes has been around for decades, no one had previously known of its sexual powers until recently, mainly because people were afraid to be seen eating such a supposedly juvenile cereal. With these new discoveries, however, the cereal has been revealed to be very "adult" indeed. It took one courageous young lad, who actually had the nerve to eat Frosted Flakes at school despite taunts from fellow classmates, to discover the powers of this wonderful Kellogg's cereal.

After his last remaining friend moved away from him in disgust after he started eating the cereal, a pretty young lass leaned over to him. "Boy," she said, "a guy must have to be pretty sure of himself to be seen eating a cereal with a cartoon tiger on the box." "You could say that," the bold trailblazer replied. Amazingly, the girl then inched her chair over to him! Cha-ching! Before you know it, the couple was, as Chef from South Park would say, "making sweet love down by the fire." Of course, the 'sweet lovemaking' part was cut out of the commercial.

So why are Frosted Flakes such an attractive force? Girls seem to be drawn to guys who eat Frosted Flakes because of the high levels of self-confidence a guy must have to be seen eating a cereal usually reserved for kids. When asked about the cereal's special abilities, spokesman Tony the Tiger simply commented, "They're grrrrreat!"

Rumors that new Cocoa Frosted Flakes have twice the alluring power of the original could not be confirmed at press time.

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