Issue 12

Fight The Power
White Male
History Month
Joe Wong
Funniest Home
Videos Shows
10,000th Hit
To Groin
Top Ten Reasons
To Become A
Cardinal Newsie
Oliver Sucks
Wu-Tang Is For
The Children

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Issue 12

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White Male History Month

By Newman and The Regulator
As you may or may not know, March is women's history month. Like most other Americans, I celebrated this month by not caring. I celebrated much the same way in February for black history month. Now I have nothing against African-Americans or females, or even African-American females, I just couldn't give a rat's hind-end about their semi-existent histories which can be summed up in numerous accounts of attempts to pry themselves out from under the white man's thumb.

Now, white males have always been the most influential group of people throughout history, and yet they receive no commemorative month in which to pat themselves on the back. Don't give me that crap about "every month being white male history month;" there's just far too many important white males to try to cram into a single month. Besides which, it's not that way anymore. Too much about blacks and women is being taught now, by the empathetic white males, to try to make up for previous historical injustices. I mean, just because our skin is a bit pale and we have a Y chromosome in there doesn't mean we're not superior.

What there needs to be for historical equality to exist is an official White Male History Month. I suggest the month of July. It's a nice long 31-day month, right in the middle of summer, named after another famous white male, Julius Caesar. It contains Independence Day, the day when a bunch of white men came together to break away from an oppressive white male king, and Bastille Day, when a bunch of angry white men started the French Revolution, which eventually resulted in some chick getting her head chopped off.

Disclaimer: Neither The Regulator, nor Newman is racist in any way, shape or form, and both of them agree that girls kick ass.

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