Issue 5

Mormons Develop The Bomb

Area Korn Fan Fails To Invert "R"

Attractive, Funny, Intelligent Girl Discovered At Tosa East

Weighted Grades Now!

Local Student May Have Ulterior Motives For Wearing USC Merchandise

Owner Of A Lonely Sock

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Mormons Develop The Bomb

By Ed the Moose
Ever since the UN established contact with the Mormons back in the early 1970's, tensions have slowly grown. That tension reached the breaking point as the Mormons detonated an atomic device early Monday morning.

At 8:12 am, scientists recorded tremors originating in central Utah, and two hours later, leaders of the Mormon nation announced the dreaded news.

"'Tis true," said Orville Smith, Mormon leader, "We have the bomb, and ye best take care not to anger us."

Many other nations with nuclear capabilities have made it clear that they will not tolerate any infringement upon their borders from the Mormons.

"We be travel'n where we please, and ye be foolish to think we would not back up our claims," warned Smith. The US has not released any official comment as of yet.

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