Issue 5

Mormons Develop The Bomb

Area Korn Fan Fails To Invert "R"

Attractive, Funny, Intelligent Girl Discovered At Tosa East

Weighted Grades Now!

Local Student May Have Ulterior Motives For Wearing USC Merchandise

Owner Of A Lonely Sock

Back To Volume Two

Back To The Front Page

Area Korn Fan Fails To Invert "R"

By Sleeping Disorder
A local angst ridden student, Derek Falky faces serious charges of blasphemy against hardcore music. It was recently learned by one of Falky's rivetheaded colleagues that when drawing the logo for the band Korn, Falky left the letter R completely un-inverted. The specific recreation of the logo, which was scrawled on the back of Falky's physics notebook in a combination of black and red ink, was noticed by local JNCO wearer, Jeremy Schmidt.

"This is totally unacceptable," said Schmidt. "The R must be turned around, period. This is a glaring violation of failure to invert. For this, he will receive 40 lashes by an excessively long chain wallet and will not be invited over to watch South Park this week." However, it could have been worse. Had Falky, for example, failed to invert the second N in the Nine Inch Nails logo, he would not only incur a severe beating, but also execution by the most painful means possible.

Not Falky's first offense against hardcore/industrial music by a long shot, the Korn incident is only one of several past offenses. Last year, Falky was brought to trial for not knowing what KMFDM meant and still faces allegations of having never seen The Crow. Falky begins preliminary hearings for his latest failure to invert this Friday.

Back to Issue 5