Issue 5

Mormons Develop The Bomb

Area Korn Fan Fails To Invert "R"

Attractive, Funny, Intelligent Girl Discovered At Tosa East

Weighted Grades Now!

Local Student May Have Ulterior Motives For Wearing USC Merchandise

Owner Of A Lonely Sock

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Local Student May Have Ulterior Motives For Wearing USC Merchandise

By Sleeping Disorder
Reports have been flooding in of local student who is often seen wearing a cap in support of The University of South Carolina Gamecocks. It is widely rumored, however, that this student may have deep, dark ulterior motives for the wearing of this cap.

"The Gamecocks, or Cocks, as they are also referred to, don't really have all that great of a sports program. There must be something else," said anthropologist Linda Bakimpski, in a lecture based on the rumor. "The cap itself displays the word 'Cocks' in a large font across the front of the cap with University of South Carolina in a much smaller font above that. Clearly, there must be somealternate meaning here. The question is: What?"

Bakimpski is the leading researcher on rumored alternate or ulterior meanings in modern society and shared more of her insight with Underground reporters. Bakimpski told the Underground, "My really big theory is this: It is quite possible that the restaurant chain 'Hooters' is really not a restaurant devoted to the protection of endangered owl species. I haven't been able to prove this yet, but the probability for an alternate meaning is quite high. What this meaning really is, the world may never know for sure."

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