Issue 14

Entire Graduating
Class To Attend
I Think I'll Wear
My Sandals
Super Happy
Fun Quiz II
Local Student
Beaten Senseless
Taxes Suck
Pope Condemns

Back To
Issue 14

Back To The
Super Happy Fun Quiz II

(Answers at the bottom of the page.)

1.  Math:  God decides to play a trick on the universe and makes 1 = 2 for a day. On this day, what does 1 + 1 equal?

2.  Chemistry:  Mr. Swenson sets ten students on fire per day. If it takes 100 mL of gasoline or 50 mL of ethanol to ignite a student, the lab has 1.4 L of ethanol left, and Mr. Swenson's car is almost on empty, between which hours will Mr. Swenson have to go to the gas station and fill 'er up?

3.  Evil:  x = 665. Find x + 1.

4.  Cinema:  "Titanic" makes $70 million on its first weekend. Every following week, it makes 4% less money than the week before. 12 weeks after "Titanic," "The Man in the Iron Mask" opens, and makes $40 million in its opening weekend, decreasing by 7% each week. Is Leonardo DiCaprio gay?

5.  Ecology:  How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

6.  Probability:  A lottery game has you pick six numbers, each with 40 possible numbers to choose from. A number can not be repeated. If matching all six numbers gets you $10,000,000, matching five gets you $500,000, and matching four gets you $2000, what are your chances of winning anything at all?

7.  Education:  Mr. Fiet writes equations at a rate of 100 fiet/sec. (The "fiet" is the standard unit for Calculus teaching.) If Mr. Fiet drains pens at a rate of five pens per hour, and in one particular class he drains three pens, how many fiet have his students absorbed?

8.  Philosophy:  What is love?

9.  Meteorology:  On April 24, at 8:10 AM, Andy Capes gets an A on a Calculus exam, at 6:57 PM, John Roberts gets a date, and at 4:30 PM, the Cardinal News finishes their paper a whole hour before the absolute-latest-possible deadline. At what time does the temperature in Hell fall below 32 degrees Fahrenheit?

10.  Music:  a) Does Mase get the ladies?  b) Does Puff drive Mercedes?


You don't want to go down here, do you?


The answers are down here.


Are you sure?




Ok, you asked for it.


Super Happy Fun Quiz II Answers

1.  e.
2.  Teachers have cars? I thought they just lived at school.
3.  666. (ominous sounding music)
4.  Well, I heard he was bi.
5.  492.
6.  Very small. If you want to throw your money away, sponsor an issue of The Underground.
7.  216,000 fiet.
8.  I don't know, but for $10, M. F. Luder's mom can give you a little taste of lovin'.
9.  At 12:48 PM, when Mr. Streff runs out of things to say.
10.  a) Yeah yeah.  b) Yeah yeah.

Back to Issue 14