"Sausage" For Sale
By The Regulator
Rumors were heard of a questionable business establishment on 68th and Wells. Being the prudently curious journalist, I smelled a story. Oh wait, that was just M. F. Luder. Anyhow, after poking around a bit, I discovered from various inside sources that this establishment was a place that women, and even some sick, disturbed men, go when they haven't "had any" for awhile to pay for some high quality "meat," if you know what I mean.
I snuck, dressed in drag (uh, for the purposes of being undercover of course), into this believed house of filth. Inside was a tall, dark Italian guy who went by the name of "Jerry O'Brian." Upon approaching this "Jerry," he smiled, asked if he could "help" me, and pointed down at his exposed "sausage," asking me if I would like to "try" some. The vile man then asked if I would like to see any other samples of succulent "beef" to take home with me.
By now, I was convinced of the truth of the claims I had heard. I shrieked as high-pitched as I could, and ran off, trailing articles of women's clothing as I went, to the Wauwatosa Police Dept. When I arrived there and breathlessly told them of the wrongs being committed at the establishment of this "Jerry," they laughed at me and refused to bust him! My theory is this: the cops themselves are into the sick and twisted practice of purchasing "sausage" from "Jerry" to use for their own demented "pleasures." I'll cover that story, however, in issue 7.
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