By M. F. Luder
Right now the school is being bombarded by a flurry of cakes, candy, cups, donuts and other baubles, and that really peeves me. Well actually I don't have a problem with the donuts, except the jelly filled ones. I can see only one way to get rid of this incessant selling: sell naming rights.
I understand that clubs need money, but for the love of Ganesh, stop peddling all that crap. If I want a donut, I'll go to Le Donut. No matter what Mr. Payne says, I like them aged, I won't buy them at school. "But M.F.," you say, "how will school organizations get their money?" It's obvious my friends, that no one in the school cares what things are called, so why not sell the naming rights. Take the Dale K. Hidde Theater as an example. After a comprehensive survey of the Tosa East Players, (not Scott Schneider,) I came to the conclusion that no one actually liked Mr. Hidde, and none of them could think of a reason for the theater to be named after him. When I asked Mr. Hays about this random naming, he scowled for a moment before responding, "You haven't graduated yet."
Since people don't care what things are called, why not sell the naming rights! Heck, if the Copper Bowl can be called the insight.com Bowl then we can call the gym the Poulan Weed-Eater Gym. Why stop there; why not have the Jostens Learning Center, or the Philip Morris Chemistry Room. In fact, why doesn't the school trade in that stupid arrow logo for the stylin' Nike swoosh. Why not abuse capitalism if we can; maybe it doesn't suck after all.
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