Issue 5

Raises The Roof
Naming Rights
The Joys Of
Flicker Fever
I Have A
Drum Machine

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Issue 5

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The Joys Of Mastication

By Baliverne
Sometimes we have great self-control. Sometimes (like me) we don't. I'll tell you right now, I masticate, and I do it much more often than I'd like to admit.

I know the question on the tip of your tongue right now is, "What do you masticate with?" Well I especially like to masticate with peanut butter and a tall glass of milk. I know plenty of you masticate on a regular basis. Not once a week, and probably more than once a day. I'm willing to bet that 99% of our school masticates at least 3 times a day! That's including teachers and lunch ladies. I'm also willing to bet that there are those of you reading this right now who are saying to yourselves, "Only three times a day? When I get home from school the first thing I think about is some nice mastication." Well, if I only had the luxury of having time in my schedule to masticate whenever I wanted.

I'll leave you with this thought: Too much mastication doesn't cause blindness or hairy palms, but it does lead to weight gain.

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