Issue 19

Bic Unveils
Pen 98
Underground Snubbed By Emmys
That F*cking President!
Clinton Not Guilty
Year 1999 Virus

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That F*cking President!

By The Regulator
I hear President Clinton fucked some bitch. So? The President is the leader of the most powerful country the earth has ever seen. He should be able to fuck all the bitches he wants. Granted, he does, but what I mean is he shouldn't be hassled about it afterwards. The office of the President is the highest office in the world's most powerful current system of government. But this system is very different from all past systems. Let's go through them chronologically and/or geographically, listing their distinctive traits, shall we?

1. Early chiefs of cavemen tribes: Clubbed and fucked all the bitches they wanted.
2. Egyptian Pharoahs: Fucked all the bitches they wanted, even their own mothers!
3. Roman Caesars: Fucked all the bitches they wanted plus had sex slaves.
4. Japanese Emperors: Fucked all the bitches they wanted; had harems of consorts.
5. Russian Czars: Fucked all the bitches they wanted; got drunk.
6. English Kings: Well, they were English...
7. Underground Staff Members: Fuck all the bitches they want; are hype.

Therefore, going by the widely accepted premise that governmental systems build and improve on one another over time, by now the leader of the United States of America should be able to: club and fuck all the bitches he wants, even his own mother; have sex slaves and/or consorts; get drunk; not wank (We should also learn from the mistakes of history); and be hype. Well, maybe hypeness should still be reserved just for members of The Underground. For that matter, so should clubbing women!

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