Issue 19

Bic Unveils
Pen 98
Underground Snubbed By Emmys
That F*cking President!
Clinton Not Guilty
Year 1999 Virus

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Underground Snubbed By Emmys

By Newman
In the biggest snub the entertainment industry has seen in recent memory, the 50th annual Emmy nominations were released last month with The Underground conspicuously absent from the list.

"This is an outrage!" shouted Newman at the special Emmy nomination party he and the Undies hosted for 500 people, anticipating a joyous evening of record nominations for The Underground and its online counterpart, The Underground Online.

"Needless to say, this evening's ruined. I don't even feel like having a drunken orgy anymore," said a dejected M. F. Luder after the long list of nominations ended without a single Underground article, issue, or writer receiving a mention.

The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences had little to say in their defense when asked about the Underground snub. "I don't know what all the fuss is about. The Underground isn't a television show," said Anthony Edwards, who announced some of the nominations and coincidentally was nominated himself for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for his work on ER. Edwards was then blindsided across the back of the head by a baseball bat swung by Underground entertainment writer Kesus, as pro-Underground supporters began rioting in various parts of the city.

"CBS got 36 nominations, FOX got 35; hell, even TNT got 18," griped The Regulator. "But that's not the worst of it. What really pisses me off is that that bitch Calista Flockhart of Ally McBeal was nominated for Best Comic Actress instead of me. That award was mine dammit!"

The Underground has had high hopes for this year's Emmys ever since the Cardinal News won Best Rap Performance by a Group or Duo at this year's Grammy awards for their 1997 album, Distractin' Cannibals.

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