Issue 13

"Hello, I'm
Famous. Would
You Like To
Sleep With Me?"
Socks Sucks,
I'm Too Sexy For
This Paper
Derek Falky:
Returning To
His Roots
Holmes Of The
And Now...
Deep Thoughts

Back To
Issue 13

Back To The
And Now... Deep Thoughts

By Baliverne
So I'm sitting back in the library, reading SI and havin' a smoke when this dyke security guard taps me on the shoulder and points at my cigarette. I pull out my pack and hand her one. She shakes her head and I'm like "See ya later, butch."

So I'm on the floor, picking up my teeth from the floor when I realize that she's probably a menthol gal. It seems like a great time to leave, since I have no teeth, and I still owe money for books from when I was seven. I decided that I should probably take a piss on my way out, since I really have to, so I stop by the can. Unfortunately, I see the exposed ass-crack of the plumber and realize the pisser is out of order. So I'm pissing in the fiction section, when I see my friend, the dyke-ass-bitch-reject-from-cell-block-A-security guard, and as soon as I get in two quick shakes, I zip up and try to run. Unfortunately, this chick's got more testosterone than me, and catches up and begins to kick the crap out of me again.

At least I can check this one off on my S&M fantasy list.

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