Issue 1

World Wrestling Federation Terrorized By Newcomer

Tosa Superintendent MC Hammer Looks Forward To New School Year

Tosa East Infested With "Bad-Asses"

Chemical Castration Bill Becomes Law

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Tosa Superintendent MC Hammer Looks Forward To New School Year

By Underground Writer Davey Jones
Welcome back to Tosa East everyone! And a special warm welcome to this year's freshmen! I remember when I was a freshman. Ahhh, the good ole' days. I also remember that I didn't know a thing about the administrators so I'm writing a series on our administrators at Tosa. Starting from the top is our favorite superintendent, MC Hammer.

Hammer has been with us for a long time and has done many things for our school system. The most famous of which is the controversial district realignment. Parents were furious when they found out about the realignment. One angry parent shared her feelings on this issue by saying, "He is biased towards West and, personally, I think that the problem is that their sweetness is his weakness." Due to the controversy over the realignment, The Hammer announced last year that he would resign at the end of the year. Fortunately, he did not.

"I received thousands of letters and phone calls asking me to stay, and I finally decided that this is where I belong. The people of Wauwatosa need The Hammer. How can I quit? I am too legit for that," said Mr. Hammer, when asked why he did not resign.

Despite the hard times, The Hammer has been a good superintendent. When asked if he had any changes in mind for this year, especially the bringing Hostess brand products back to the lunch lines, he replied, "That is Mr. Hays' decision but personally, ya know, u can't touch that." The Hammer refused further comment saying, "Sound the bell! School's in, sucka!"

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