Chemical Castration Bill Becomes Law
By Ed the Moose
The controversial "Chemical Castration Bill" was accepted into law yesterday. This now provides for chemical castration as the standard punishment for each and every crime or infringement upon the law. It is being hailed as the best determent for crime ever. "I believe it to be an idea whose time has come," said Senator Dale Bumpers from Arkansas. "The American people are finally fighting back against criminals."
Under this new law, instead of receiving fines or jail sentences, most criminals will simply be castrated. Traffic violators will still have to pay fines along with the castration, because of the important revenue they bring to cities. "This is expected to dramatically cut crime at all levels, and will also ease the serious overcrowding of our nation's jails," said Attorney General Janet Reno.
Reception of the law has not all been positive. Human rights groups such as the Red Cross and Amnesty International have begun to voice their opposition in recent weeks, and can be expected to continue lobbying against it. Speaking out against the law has been declared a crime punishable by castration.
Criminals already in prison, and those with crimes on their record will begin "treatment" early next week. When asked about punishing those with past crimes, Senator Bumpers replied that "we need to demonstrate to future criminals that we are very serious about this." Since the announcement there have been 803 reported escapes from jail and rioting at the majority of prisons.
"For once, the law has become crystal clear, said Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist. "Our jobs have gotten much easier." In a related story, President Clinton has resigned; his whereabouts unknown.
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