disconnect

Before the sound of Bill O'Reilly's head exploding alerts you to it... St. Paul City Office Boots Easter Bunny:

A toy rabbit, pastel-colored eggs and a sign with the words "Happy Easter" were removed from the lobby of the City Council offices, because of concerns they might offend non-Christians.

A council secretary had put up the decorations. They were not bought with city money.

St. Paul's human rights director, Tyrone Terrill, asked that the decorations be removed, saying they could be offensive to non-Christians.

I find this especially amusing because I had previously assumed that pastel-colored eggs were offensive to Christians: Pope Condemns Easter

I thought I might solve this problem going forward by compiling a list of U.S. holidays along with the people that that holiday might offend. If members of these groups are present in your office or municipality, you may want to think twice before bringing any holiday cheer.

• New Year's Day - Offends the Chinese
  
• Martin Luther King Jr. Day - Offends white people
  
• Groundhog Day - Offends Bill Murray
  
• Presidents Day - Offends John Kerry, Al Gore, and Democrats in general
  
• Valentine's Day - Offends singles, non-Christians, and prohibition-era bootleggers
  
• St. Patrick's Day - Offends non-Christians, temperance advocates, and people rejected from Notre Dame University
  
• Easter - (see above)
  
• Earth Day - Offends Dick Cheney and Marvin the Martian
  
• Mothers' Day - Offends infertile women
  
• Flag Day - Offends Kid Rock
  
• Independence Day - Offends the British and extraterrestrial invaders
  
• Labor Day - Offends the unemployed
  
• Columbus Day - Offends Native Americans and fans of The Sopranos
  
• Halloween - Offends Christians
  
• Veterans Day - Offends Dick Cheney
  
• Thanksgiving - Offends turkeys and fans of the Detroit Lions
  
• Christmas - Offends non-Christians and Bill Murray
  
• Hanukkah - Offends Muslims and Antiochus IV
  
• Kwanzaa - Offends white people and people who don't like made-up holidays